


Dib Is A Certified Moron

by Cookiemonster2000



Series: Zim likes Gaz. That is All [5]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Aged Up, Angry Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib Being an Asshole (Invader Zim), Dib is So Done (Invader Zim), Evil Plans, F/M, More likely than you'd think, Romantic Tension, Sibling Bonding, Sibling fights, So in this one Dib is 17 and Gaz is 16, Space Pirates, Tension, WARNING UPDATE: check chapters for specific trigger warnings before them please!, Zim is a shit friend at first, a fic with a real space action plot? on my ao3?, complicated feelings, have a safe and happy reading experience <3, now with the classic "bringing back Tak" trope, sibling relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22415215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookiemonster2000/pseuds/Cookiemonster2000
Summary: While Gaz struggles to come to terms with her own issues (and maybe fix the broken relationship she has with her brother), Dib has come up with a plan to finally take Zim down. At the same time, Zim wrestles with his own complicated feelings for his secret ""human-friend"". All the while, a sinister new opponent looms on the horizon...Will selfless love triumph? Will Dib finally get himself killed? Will GIR eat a muffin? So many questions. They'll probably all be answered!
Relationships: Dib & Gaz (Invader Zim), Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Dib/Tak (Invader Zim), Gaz & Zim (Invader Zim), Gaz/Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: Zim likes Gaz. That is All [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1574773
Comments: 43
Kudos: 91





	1. Don't Trust An Alien

**Author's Note:**

> THIS. THIS ONE WILL BE GOOD. I know the start is a bit rough, but it'll pick up speed, don't worry.  
> It goes without saying that everything in this series prior to this fic has happened in this universe. Gaz and Zim have accepted that they're sort of friends, and at Gaz's request, are hiding it from Dib. We get a bit of that "aged up-ness" shown in the fact that Gaz is trying to better herself, though she won't admit it at first.  
> Hope you all enjoy!

“I think I’ve got it this time, Gaz. I really think I’ve got it!”

Gaz sighed deeply and slumped down lower in her seat. “What have you got, Dib.”

“I’ve been sending out messages for, like, months now! You know, using the universal cipher I stole from Zim’s base? I’ve been asking for help fighting the Irken military. I mean, who knows how many enemies his species has!”

Gaz (who had barely flinched on the mention of Zim’s name) didn’t reply. Dib launched into another speech, thumping down on the sofa beside her.

“Well, I’ve been sending out these distress signals, right? And I think I’ve got a response this time!” he cheered, drumming his feet against the floor. “They said that Irkens are this war-mongering race who’ve enslaved their people, and they can use any help they can get from every planet! Can you believe it? I’m actually going to become Earth’s real defender!”

“That’s great, Dib,” she replied sarcastically. “So, will you be leaving now, or tomorrow morning?”

“They’re coming to meet me tomorrow afternoon, actually.” he grinned. “In disguise. We’re going to figure out a plan to stop Zim once and for all.”

Gaz squinted, grinding her teeth in frustration. He just wouldn’t stop.

“And after I’ve earned their trust, we’re going to go back to Zim’s base. We’re going to break in and steal his technology, so we can take on the whole Irken empire! And if we’re fast, maybe, just _maybe_ , we’ll have a chance at taking him down once and for--”

“I don’t  _ care _ !”

Dib stopped talking.  Some part of her was shaking her head at herself, but she had already begun and attempting to stop Gaz’s wrath once it had been triggered was equivalent to taking on a forest-wide wildfire with a single bucket.

“Can’t you get it through your huge, thick skull that I am _ not interested _ ?” she shouted. “I don’t want to hear your constant blabbering. I don’t want to hear your stupid theories. And I  _ don’t  _ want to be involved in your creepy _ Zim-stalking _ !!”

Her brother blinked.

“What’s going on, Gaz?”

She fought off the wave of confusion at his wholly unexpected response. “What are you talking about.”

“You’ve never gotten so mad when I’ve suggested taking down Zim before. What’s the problem?”

Her anger was quickly turning to shame and embarrassment, then back to anger.

“What’s the  _ problem _ ?” she growled, trying to cover the moment of weakness. “I’m just sick and tired of your stupid ranting.”

“Gaz, you’re  _ lying  _ to me.” Dib leaned in, squinting. “What’s going on, seriously? You can talk to me about it. I’ll shut up about Zim, just--”

“NO!” She stood up, abruptly. “I don’t have anything to say to you. You and your huge, idiotic head can go jump off a cliff for all I care!”

Luckily, Dib took the bait. “Okay, first of all, my head is  _ not  _ big! Second, I’m  _ sorry  _ for trying to be a supportive brother, I just thought you seemed kind of--”

“I’m not  _ kind of _ anything!” Gaz retaliated. “You’re the one who’s got his head stuck in the clouds. You can’t see reality, Dib.”

“I can see reality clearer than anybody!” he insisted, clenching his fists. “What’s your problem??”

“My problem is that I’m sick of it. I’m sick of it! Can’t you just  _ grow up _ already, like Dad wants you to??”

His eyes widened unexpectedly, and he took a half-step backwards, as if she’d landed a physical blow on his chest. Gaz immediately knew she’d gone too far. 

“Dib--”

Her brother shook his head and shoved his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose. “I’m not sacrificing what I love so I can get along with you. Goodnight, Gaz. Hope you feel better in the morning.”

With that, he turned and walked out, ducking his head just slightly. 

Gaz sat in the same place, near-immobile, for about twenty minutes before she got up the strength to stand up and head to her room. He’d be better in the morning, anyway.

  
  
  
  


“What’s going on?” Zim demanded, slamming down on the keyboard. “Why are we receiving these transmissions?”

“There’s an alien ship in the vicinity,” the computer announced. “Something’s coming.”

“Hah! Nothing the Mighty Zim cannot handle. Is it an enemy ship?”

“It’s. . . something.” 

“Ehh? What’s that supposed to mean?”

The computer hummed, as if unsure how to answer. “The ship doesn’t seem to be of any particular alien race. In fact, it’s emitting unstable energy.”

“A junk ship!” Zim let out a hearty laugh. “There’s nothing to worry about, then.”

The computer heaved a great sigh, but cut itself off. “You are receiving a call.”

“A call?? Are the almighty Tallest contacting--”

“No, it’s a local call.”

“Oh.” Zim deflated visibly. “Put her through, then.”

The screen flickered and revealed an angry-looking Gaz. “You’re ruining my life,” she announced.

“Hello to you, too. What have I done to invoke your wrath  _ now _ ?” he hissed back.

She folded her arms and glared. “Dib.”

“The Dib-monkey ruins things just fine without my help,” he replied. “Unless he’s discovered the trap I set in his disgusting closet and kicked up a fuss, his actions have nothing to do with Zim. Do not place the burden of your frustrations on--”

“You don’t understand.” Gaz shook her head. “He knows.”

“He does NOT!” Zim shouted at once. “I HAVE KEPT THE SECRET PERFECTLY!”

“Well, he’s on his way to finding out.” She huffed and glanced over her shoulder. “And he keeps doing stupid, dangerous stuff. To stop you.”

Zim scowled deeply. “You are in no position to order me around. I have a mission on this planet--”

“Yada, yada, yada. Are we friends or not?”

He clamped his mouth shut, not wanting to respond. Gaz met his eyes again, raising an eyebrow.

“You still can’t order me around!!”

“As much as it pains me, I want to ask a. . . ugh.” She shuddered. “I want you to do me a favor.”

“You will owe Zim.”

“I get it! I know.” She ran her hands through her short, purple hair in frustration. “Just listen, okay? Dib’s got another hairbrained scheme in the works. Is there any way you can check to see if there are any other alien ships around?”

“Unnecessary,” Zim replied smoothly. “I have already run a scan this evening--there is nothing of any consequence in the sky.”

“There's nothing anywhere nearby?” She fixed him with a pointed gaze. "Nothing at all?”

“Nope! Nothing.” Zim beamed. “Now, Zim can see how upset you seem to be over nothing. You should come over, and then we can practice your ridiculous pig-slaughtering game on the--”

“No.”

Before he had time to reply, she had hung up.

“WAS THAT GAZZY?” GIR had woken up on his spot curled up on the couch behind Zim without his noticing. “Is she coming to playyyy?”

“Not tonight, GIR. Tonight, we plant the seeds for a different mission--something infinitely more important than any game.”

“Who’s that?”

Zim turned away with an evil look in his eye. “Tomorrow, we shall watch as the Dib-Stink brings about his own demise.”


	2. Don't Shove Your Friends into the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaz comes to terms with some insecurities. She remains in denial about others. It's a work in progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like one of the scenes in this a lot. You'll know the one when you get to it. I hope you like it too.

Call her weak, but Gaz couldn’t focus on her game properly when she could all too easily sense the bright red eyes boring holes in the front of her device. She lowered it and looked him in the face pointedly, rolling her eyes when he expressed momentary shock and worry that she’d noticed something was off.

“What do you want.”

Zim scowled and looked back down at the laser gun he was supposedly working on. “Nothing.”

“No, you obviously do, you attention hog. Here.” She gently closed the device and set it aside, smirking at how his antennae shot up in surprise. “Well?”

“We could. . . Speak. That’s what human ‘friends’ do, is it not?”

Gaz bit back the smile that threatened to overtake her face when he said that word, that was so new to both of them. Her hands itched to pick the game back up, but she ignored her instincts. “I guess so.”

“I have done research concerning what human friends do on these ‘sleepovers’,” Zim announced. “I could be considered an expert, yet I am still unsure of what to suggest.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because the Gaz-Human is an enigma, and an exception. It occurred to Zim that you most likely do not like the games that Zim spent so much time learning about.”

“And so you got annoyed.”

His antennae twitched again. “Maybe.”

“Okay, name one.” Gaz stretched out on the sofa. “One you thought might be fun. I’ll give it one try before I go back to ignoring you. And hey, if I like it,” she stopped him mid-glare, “maybe I’ll keep giving you attention.”

He squinted at her, but tossed aside his own work. “Truth or dare.”

“Really?” She let her amusement sink into her voice. “You want to play truth or dare?”

“There was a lot of opportunity for chaos. You like chaos.”

“I do.” 

“There are also good chances for sharing personal information. A thing that friends do. They are to know about one another, and learn through socially accepted rituals such as these.”

“Okay, Zim. But,” she grinned, when his eyes lit up, “ _you_ have to start us off.”

She jerked her head at the empty spot beside her and beckoned with a wave of her hand.

“So, truth or dare?”

* * *

  
  


Gaz groaned and rolled over to check the alarm clock yet again. Only fifteen minutes before it would go off--so no point in trying to doze off anymore. Heaving a great sigh, she reached over and turned it off, sitting up and pulling her covers over her knees.

The conversation with Zim hadn’t gone the way she wanted it to, which was nothing new. Recently, he’d been acting strange in a whole new way--trying to be a better ‘friend’. Gaz found herself--disgustingly--completely open to the opportunity to grow closer to her first real friend, however unlikely he may be. And the more she thought about that friendship, the more she called her other relationships into question.

Mainly, the relationship with her brother.

It was no secret that Gaz and Dib weren’t the best of pals. They sat together at lunch and walked together to and from school, but aside from that, Gaz had always preferred the company of her stuffed animal robots and the TV. Her sibling’s obnoxiousness was just a thorn in her side, to be dealt with as any other annoying thing.

But as of late, she found the dismissive way she treated him. . . distasteful. And the way he seemed to look through her hurt more than it ever had before. Dib was so caught up in his own stuff that somewhere along the line, he must have stopped caring about her at all.

And it infuriated Gaz that she even had noticed, let alone that it hurt her so deeply.

She couldn’t talk to Zim about it, for obvious reasons. Any mention of her brother set the alien off on a tangent that took at least twenty minutes to get him off of, and the rest of the afternoon he would abruptly stop in the middle of sentences to glare off into the distance. Since he muttered things like “earth-child” and “dib-stink” under his breath as he did so, it didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure out what was consuming his thoughts.

All her skool-acquaintances were out of the question as well. While she had a few people she felt comfortable talking to about her interests and assignments, there wasn’t anyone who had gotten close enough for her to vent about her actual life. Besides, she had a reputation to uphold.

As Gaz dressed, she couldn’t stop chewing the inside of her mouth and turning it over and over in her head. Last night’s fight wouldn’t stop ringing in her head. No, there wasn’t anybody she could talk to about Dib, which is why she had to settle for trying to protect him, in a tiny way. If he got himself killed one day without her ever really getting the chance to fix things--whenever she decided to try and do that--she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to forgive herself.

She pulled the gray, oversized sweater on over her mint-colored skirt and fastened her skull pendant around her neck. There was a girl scowling at her in the mirror, somebody she wasn’t sure she recognized anymore. When the short-cropped purple hair wasn’t even the most intimidating thing about the person in front of you, that might be a sign that the person has some walls up.

Gaz turned away from the mirror and headed downstairs, not gracing the thought with another second in her mind. 

  
  


When she walked downstairs, there was a note on the table.

"Been out all night collecting data about Bigfoot's sleeping habits. Will be back this afternoon. -Dib"

Tossing it in the trash, she popped a few slices of bread in the toaster for breakfast while replaying a slow level on her video game system. The mornings were usually either a huge hassle, what with Dib’s constant yammering, or blissfully silent, because he was out on some stalking--sorry, _investigation_. Most of the time, Gaz wished for the latter type, simply for the peacefulness it allowed her.

But this morning, she wished that he was home, to maybe discuss what had happened the previous night. Maybe she was hoping to ask him about those aliens he wanted to meet--not out of interest in the subject itself, but simply because sometimes, his voice didn’t fill her with as much rage as she expected. Sometimes, it let her know he was feeling okay.

He hadn’t been talking as much recently.

It didn’t matter, Gaz decided as she buttered her toast. He was fine. He’d get home and then he wouldn’t shut up about what he’d seen, and she’d be back to being annoyed by him. This pity and dissatisfaction she was feeling was sure to pass when he jumped into another rant about Bigfoot’s toenail clippings, or something else equally disgusting. 

Yes, everything was going to be back to normal as soon as possible, because deviation from it led to discomfort. It pained her to admit, but it was true--what was normal was all she had. Despite how annoying Dib and, yes, Zim, were, Gaz couldn’t imagine--didn’t want to imagine--living without them.

She was going to make sure things were going to stay the same if it _killed_ her.

Of course, things have a way of changing right when it matters the most that they don’t.

* * *

  
  


A hand slammed across the lockers to her right while she rummaged through for her books. She ignored it for a good minute, taking her sweet time before turning to stare pointedly at the grinning alien.

A few inches of height on her and he thought he was the king of the world or something. He did the arm-wall trick far too often for it to be of any consequence--the first few times, she’d knocked him down, but by now she’d sighed and accepted it as an inevitability. He liked to feel tall.

“Yeah?”

“I demand your attention, Human-Friend,” Zim announced. Instinctively, Gaz glanced around for bystanders who might have been paying attention.

“Shut up, you know how I feel about--”

“There is no reason for you to worry!” he replied instantly, like he was expecting her complaint.

“Why’s that.”

“The Dib-Human is not in class,” he told her, eyes sparkling with a gleeful sort of malice. “He is off somewhere else.”

“Oh.” That was. . . slightly worrying. Didn’t his note say he would be at school? Now she couldn’t even remember, and she didn’t have it on her. . . Gaz bit back the wave of premonition she’d tried to ignore the evening before--that feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach, that something was going to happen to him. There wasn’t any reason to worry any more than normal, obviously.

“So!!” Zim ignored her silence, plowing ahead with his own agenda as usual. “That means you, Gaz-Human, have been blessed with the opportunity to sit with ZIM!! At lunch today. DO YOU ACCEPT??”

Gaz kicked her locker shut behind her, ducking under Zim’s outstretched arm. “No.”

“What?? Why not!!”

“Because everybody else will see. And it could get back to him.” She tried to walk past him, but Zim stepped in her path, frowning deeply.

“Why does this Dirt-boy bother you so much? Zim was under the impression that the Gaz-human didn’t care about what others thought about her.”

“Yeah, well.” She tried to sidestep. He shifted in her way again. “Dib’s my brother.”

“Why should familial relations have any say over your feelings?”

“Because they do,” Gaz had had enough. She jabbed him in the chest with her elbow, sending him stumbling into the row of lockers. “Don’t bug me again.”

“If you don’t want to be friends,” Zim spat as she retreated down the hall, “just ADMIT IT!!”

“Why would you assume I don’t want to be friends anymore??” she growled, turning around despite herself.

He was picking himself up again, but made no move towards her, instead glowering with all his might.

“Humans want to spend time with their friends. You are ashamed of having ZIM as a friend. Well, Zim needs no friends!! Zim needs NOBODY!!!!”

Gaz smacked her forehead. “I’m-- Ughh!! You don’t understand. He wouldn’t understand. Neither of you understand!”

“Then help _me_ to understand why you seem to hate those you claim to care about!!” Zim barked. “Why do you treat them so poorly?!”

“I don’t _know_!!”

She had stomped back over, and was now staring him right in the face. People had begun to turn to watch. Gaz found herself suddenly aware of their presence, wanting to step backwards and break eye contact, but Zim wasn’t looking away, and she wasn’t about to lose to _him_. She stuck out her chin, raising her eyebrows threateningly. 

This had the opposite effect as intended, as Zim took this as the cue to open his big, fat mouth again.

“Humans are ridiculous!! You do things without knowing why you do them, hmm??? What kind of sense does that make? What kind of sense does treating your family units and potential mates so badly--”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar, spiky hairstyle.

Gaz didn’t hesitate. She grabbed Zim’s shoulders and hoisted him two yards over, kicking the closet door open and shoving him inside. Behind her, the commotion had covered up their rather quick exit.

“What in the--”

One of her hands darted up and smacked Zim right in the mouth, pressing against his stupid green face to prevent it from further noise-making. He made an indignant little “mmph!!” sound as she did so, but fell eerily silent as she pressed further up against him to prevent their shadows from showing through the shutters on the door’s window.

The big head passed by. Gaz allowed herself a breath of relief and lowered her hand off of Zim’s mouth and looked back at him.

His face was deeply flushed, and his mouth was hanging agape in a sort of half-offended, half . . . something else way. She realized with horror that she was practically lying on top of him, and jumped off as fast as humanly possible. It might have been the noise from the hallway outside, but Gaz could’ve sworn she heard a tiny whimper from the alien when her body shifted off his and pressed up against the back wall.

“Sorry,” was all she said, biting her lip and not meeting his (very intensely boring into hers) eyes. “We’re gonna have to wait here for classes to start so people don’t see us coming out together. They’ll get the wrong idea.”

She finally built up the courage to look him in the face. It was a mistake--all confusion had left his face, leaving only undisguised hurt and anger.

“ZIM does not--! . . . I don’t care.” 

He stood back up, dusting himself off a bit before reaching for the doorknob. Gaz quickly grabbed it before he could, but that only meant he awkwardly grabbed her hand as it clasped the knob. Both hands darted back instantaneously, as if burnt.

“Please?”

Zim huffed and leaned back against the wall.

“Two.”

“Huh?”

“You have said two words you never say. Just in the last few minutes. To me.” He recounted. “And you admitted weakness. I accused you and you simply admitted you did not understand why you act the way you do. Are you malfunctioning or something?”

She snorted.

“I don’t know.”

“Is the coast clear yet?”

The hallway was indeed empty.

“Yeah, it--”

“Good.” Zim yanked open the door and stomped past her, muttering under his breath as he did so.

Gaz wished she hadn’t heard, because it only made her feel worse than she already did--something she wasn’t sure was possible.

“Just like _other_ humans. None can be trusted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, this got written faster than i expected. maybe i'll be able to breeze through this story. probably not. hope you liked this chapter! we're totally not setting up for any drama whatsoever.  
> also, zim has abandonment issues, so i don't think he'd be keen on keeping a friendship secret. or feeling like the person didnt even actually like him. what do you think?


	3. Don't Get In A Stranger's Van (Or Spaceship)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib makes an utterly idiotic mistake.
> 
> Gaz does too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wHOO BOY THIS ONE WAS HARDER TO WRITE THAN I THOUGHT. hopefully it was worth the wait.... enjoy :)

Dib drummed his fingers on his desk impatiently. He glanced at his watch.

Thirty-two minutes until the rendezvous. The teacher was still droning on and on about nothing he didn’t already know about Biology. Dib snuck a glance to his far right and nearly jumped.

Zim was glaring him down with more ferocity than usual. Dib raised his eyebrow at him and jutted out his chin threateningly, but Zim merely squinted.

“Zim, Dib! Quit glaring at each other and pay attention!” the teacher barked. The class tittered. Zim, undaunted, didn't allow his eyes to drop from Dib’s until the boy looked back down at his notebook, somewhat embarrassed at having the attention called on him, but quickly shook it off. 

He didn’t have time to start petty fights with Zim today. He had a meeting, and he didn’t have any time to waste.

“Sir?” Dib raised his hand. “May I use the restroom?”

The teacher groaned. “Is it an emergency?”

Dib swallowed and put his pride aside. 

“I think I’ve got diarrhea.”

Zita groaned out loud from a few rows away. “TMI, Dib!”

“Thank you for that,” the man growled. “Go.”

Muttering his thanks, Dib snagged his backpack and sprinted out the door. 

Unnoticed to the rest of the class as the teacher began his lecture again, Zim stared after the retreating figure of his enemy. Dib caught his expression on the way out--he didn’t buy it.

Luckily, Dib didn’t _need_ Zim to buy it. All _he_ had to do was mind his own business for the rest of the day, and by then, his plan would be complete.

He headed to the bathroom and ignored the couple of smokers chilling out on the counter lined with sinks, dragging a briefcase out from under the radiator where he’d stowed it this morning before everyone came in.

“Dude, what the hell?” one of the smokers asked, but Dib scrambled up on the windowsill and shoved it open. He glanced behind himself pensively as the rush of cold, February air hit him, sending a shudder of cold down his spine.

“Pretty sure if you wanna leave that bad, you can just go out the front door, man.”

“I can’t risk being seen,” Dib replied shortly, snagging his briefcase and sliding out the window. He carefully landed feet first on the ground, kicking up some gravel, but for the most part his exit was completely silent.

One of the boy’s heads popped out the window. “Shut that for me, would you?” Dib called, checking his watch. Twenty eight minutes.

He didn’t wait for a response before taking off, sprinting off school grounds and down the sidewalk. Hopefully, by the time anyone realized he was gone, he would already be with them, his future teammates. A grin spread across his face, unrestrained, as he skipped down the walk. Pretty soon, all those worries would be behind him.

The cafe was close enough that Dib got there with seven minutes to spare. He sat down at a small table by the window, waving off the waitress when she came to get an order. All there was to do now was wait.

The door swung open, and the little bell tinkled. A group of three people entered--two men and one young woman. The men seemed a bit uncomfortable, but the woman tugged them over to where Dib had his face hidden in a menu.

“Agent Mothman?”

“Yeah!” He peeked up over it. The woman, upon seeing his face, smiled widely.

“We’re here to talk about that pest control issue?” she said brightly.

“Awesome, have a seat! Want something to drink?” Dib asked as the girl sidled in beside him and the other two took seats opposite their row.

“No thanks.” She leaned closer and lowered her voice. “This water isn’t good-- it’s kind of a miracle your kind managed to survive with it covering your planet!”

“Just goes to show how strong the human race is!” He took a swig of his glass of ice water. “Mm, refreshing.”

“Ew,” one of the men said. The other elbowed him.

“So,” the woman tapped her fingers on the table. Something about the way her eyes locked closely onto his seemed comfortingly familiar, in an odd way, but Dib shook it off. 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said, what kind of things have you experienced? Being Earth’s greatest and _only_ defender and all. . .”

* * *

Of _course_ Gaz noticed her brother cutting school. He went out the window of the bathroom opposite her classroom--a dozen classmates noticed him go out, too. She facepalmed as the giggles rose up.

The teacher shut the hubbub down, and Gaz glanced out again. Dib didn’t usually cut school unless he had good reason to. He had said he was going to meet a bunch of aliens… But Zim had confirmed that there weren’t any alien ships nearby. The only thing this meant was that Dib had gotten tricked again. She shook her head and turned back to her work.

But the more she thought about it, the less things added up. Dib was older, he hadn’t gotten tangled up in anything so completely fake in years. And her brother generally had a pretty solid bs-o-meter that could pick up something fishy a mile away.

But Zim had told her there weren’t any ships.

. . . But Zim had brushed her off. And she’d been worried enough that she wasn’t paying close attention to his face and tone. Why would he lie to her unless he had something to gain?

Gaz shoved her seat backwards and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

Dib was sitting alone when she entered. He glanced up, but she swiftly moved behind the rack of decorative plates nearby. Maybe she was overreacting. Maybe he really did get tricked like the moron he is. Maybe there was absolutely nothing to worry about, and her instincts were getting the best of her. It’s really her fault anyway, for deciding to start caring--

She caught sight of a familiar black wig against green skin over on the other side of the shop.

Gaz didn’t think twice. She was over at his little booth in a split second, slamming her hands down on the table. Zim’s eyes popped open comically and he instinctively attempted to flatten himself against the seat, scootching away from her vicious glare.

That only made her angrier. “What are _you_ doing here?” Gaz hissed, balling his collar in her fist and yanking his face close to hers threateningly.

Recovering from his shock, Zim narrowed his eyes right back at her. She might kill him. “Trust me, Dirt-child, I am in no way interested in spending time with _you_ at the moment. I am merely following your brother!”

“Why would you be following him?”

Zim opened his mouth to reply, then seemed to think better of it. She could practically hear the gears creaking into motion in his brain.

“I was. . . angry at him. Yeah! I wanted to give him a piece of my mind.”

“Why couldn’t that wait until your little meeting tomorrow? Don’t you two usually fight it out in the park on Thursday afternoons?

Zim squinted at her. “How do you know that?”

“I have eyes and a calendar, Zim. Answer my question.”

“Which question?”

She punched his shoulder. He rubbed it furiously as she hissed, “Why are you following Dib?”

“Fine!! I wanted to see him meet them! I wanted to make sure he didn’t give away any actually important information about the Irken Empire.”

Gaz turned to glance at the small group sitting with Dib. They seemed interested in the files he was passing around--the female one with the pink, curly hair was talking to Dib directly. She was twirling a stray lock around her finger.

“That one’s being _way_ too friendly with him, see that?" Zim pointed out, the urge to gossip apparently stronger than his annoyance with his companion. "No girl talks to Dib like that. He’s too. . . disgusting.”

“No girl since Tak, anyway,” Gaz grumbled.

“What?? Tak was cheating on me with DIB?”

Gaz elbowed him, not bothering to correct even one of the many wrong things with what the delusional alien had just said. “How about we talk about important things? Like the fact that _you_ told me there weren’t any ships in the area.”

“I _said_ there was nothing to be _concerned_ about.”

“You lied to me, you little twerp!!” She twisted her fist around his collar again, tightening her grip until she heard him gasp for breath. “Why did you do that? I thought--I actually thought--!”

Zim, though his gasps for air, choked out “Dib--Leaving--”

“Huh?” Gaz turned to see Dib was indeed heading out, accompanied by the small group he had been talking to before. Her grip loosened. “ _Great_ , Zim. Now I didn’t get to eavesdrop on their conversation!”

“Calm down, I’ve been-- recording the whole booth all day.”

“All DAY? You knew everything about this--” Her grip tightened again.

“--And that’s why there should not be a problem!!” Zim squinted threateningly. “Release me and I will _consider_ letting you watch the tape.”

“Unbelievable!” Gaz let go of his shirt, letting Zim drop back onto the booth seat. He brushed off his front in an affronted manner. “I thought we were _friends_.”

“HA! Don’t make me laugh.” Zim’s voice was full of malice. “You do not even want your peers to know of our ‘bond.’ And while I do like to spend time with you, did you _really_ think I would pass up an opportunity to rid myself of such a thorn in my and my mission’s side?”

“ _Rid_?”

Gaz balled up her shaking fists and spun in place, sprinting for the door without another word.

“Yes, hurry away, Little Gaz.” Zim hopped to his feet and reached for his communicator. “Gir, come pick me up immediately. I am not walking all the way back to the base myself!”

“Yes, my master!”

* * *

“So, we're going to take all his weapons for the resistance?” 

“Well, technically, we’re called the Resisty, but that name is idiotic and we don’t use it anymore.” The pink haired girl giggled. The other two chuckled along with her.

“Okay, but like--you guys are really trying to take on the Irken Armada? By yourselves?”

“Well, Agent Mothman, that’s where you come in!” The girl smiled and tapped his shoulder lightly. “This is all very good, these little adventures you’ve had with this planet’s Invader--Zim, the defect, yes?”

“Wh-- defect?”

“But we need more than just this,” she continued. “We need his technology. We need his plans. And most of all, we need his database of information on the ins and outs of his military! Isn’t that right, boys?”

The two men nodded. She turned back to Dib with the same smile she’d had on her face for the whole conversation. It would be freaking him out if he wasn’t so excited.

“So it would be amazing if you could take us there.”

“Now? I mean, sure! Yes! Let’s go!”

“Perfect.”

She stood, and offered Dib her hand.

“Let’s show you our ship, shall we?”

  
  
  


By the time Gaz reached the parking lot, the ship was rising from the ground.

“Ugh!!”

She pulled out her phone and dialed her brother’s number.

After two rings, it went straight to voicemail.

“DIB!!!!”

  
  
  


“Wait, I’m pretty sure town is that way.” Dib had finished freaking out over the junky ship and was now paying attention to the direction it was flying. He pointed through the glass.

“Oh, Dib.”

That voice.

  
  


Dib turned, slowly. Tak had dropped her new human disguise and was now staring up at him cruelly. She waved his phone in one hand and his briefcase in the other.

His cell began ringing. Gaz was calling.

“Tak?? -- Look, I don’t know what’s happening, but give me my phone--”

“Oh, Dib. . . Dib, Dib, Dib. So disgustingly intelligent. Yet so naive.”

Her claw pressed down on the decline call button. Dib threw himself forwards, only to be caught around the arms by the two other aliens, who had now dropped their own disguises as well and were significantly bigger than the Irken female in front of him.

“Let’s see what you’ve got of value in that big head of yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully yall dont hate me too much for... all of that lol. promise it;ll get resolved. probably. anyway enjoy zim being a dick and gaz failing for the first time at anything she's ever attempted. wonder how she'll take it


	4. Don't Underestimate Gaz Membrane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody's about to get their ass kicked. Maybe even multiple somebody-s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still here after the almost unreadable last chapter I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This one should be better. I love me some confrontations.

Dib’s mind was racing a thousand miles an hour as he stared into those hate-filled, violet eyes. What was Tak doing here, with the rebels? He thought she had been thrown into deep space.

He wrenched his arms forward, but the two aliens holding him back were too strong. One of them chuckled darkly.

“What do you want from me?” Dib asked frantically. “My--Your ship is back at the house, you can have it! I only wanted to borrow it so--”

“You really don’t know when to shut up.” Tak advanced, tossing Dib’s phone between her hands. “I don’t care about my ship. All I care about now is my new mission. And you’re going to help us out.”

“How. . .” He swallowed. “How could I possibly be useful to you? What’s your . . . What new mission?”

Tak chuckled. Her laugh turned into a maniacal wheezing cackle. The two aliens holding Dib joined in the laughter until the chamber echoed and reverberated with the sound.

His face fell further and further as Tak leaned closer and closer. Shrinking back, Dib couldn’t keep a shiver from running down his spine at the lack of emotion in her face. There was no way out.

“I’ll tell you once you’re properly restrained.” She whispered, tapping his nose mockingly with the tip of her claw, making him blink. “Take him to the memory room!”

“Wait--Tak!! No, listen to me! I don’t know what you want, but I promise I can help you out willingly! We, we can be a team!” he babbled desperately. “You don’t have to--”

Tak rolled her eyes and made a hand motion to one of the aliens. An elbow smashed into his skull and he was out like a light.

* * *

Gaz’s head was racing a thousand miles an hour as she watched the spaceship rise up, far above her reach. Her mind is blank, completely empty, save two important thoughts.

The first was soaked in hopelessness. _He’s really going to die this time. Those aliens were smarter than the usual ones. He’s in legitimate danger, and there’s nothing, absolutely_ nothing _I can do to help._

The second was less articulate. Positively dripping with malice, it only consisted of one word:

**_ZIM._ **

She wasn’t dumb. Gaz knew that the likelihood of her being able to catch up to the ship, with nothing to pilot herself except for Tak’s stolen ship that still lay, more broken than operable in their garage, was next to zilch. Even if she _had_ a ship that worked, the possibility of tracking them down without that kind of technology was almost nothing.

With what she had, there was really nothing she could do.

Gaz, almost robotically, turned and walked back. Past the cafe. Down the sidewalk. Zim was already gone--the smoke trail in the sky led her to believe that GIR had picked him up again. She followed it.

Now, oftentimes, a long walk can calm raging emotions. Physical activity causes destressing mentally, and it’s easier to think clearly. Gaz turned the situation over in her head, and over again, as she walked down the road.

Unfortunately for Zim, once the rage of Gazlene Membrane had been ignited, the only way to extinguish it was through justice. She reached Zim’s door and raised her fist to knock...

On second thought, she lowered it and merely kicked the door open viciously. It banged against the wall, likely leaving a mark, and the upper hinge snapped right through with an unpleasant _crack_ , leaving the door swinging on its remaining hinges. Gaz didn’t stop. Stalking through the living room, she heard faint alarm sounds from below. 

She recalled the entrance to the basement from the many times she’d been over before. Not only had she entered it herself on two separate occasions-- once to fight Tak, at Dib’s demand, and once at Zim’s own when they had a “mock-battle.” After they had grown more acquainted and Gaz had made it a habit to plop herself onto his couch uninvited, he had instructed her to never, _ever_ attempt to enter his inner base, or he would have to kill her. Gaz had taken this about as seriously as was to be expected from her, but she was hardly interested in the inner workings of his base anyway.

Gaz ripped the lid off the trash can and climbed inside.

“What are you doing here?” the computer asked. “Master told you not to go into the basement.”

“Your _master_ has hell to pay. Bring me to him.”

The computer paused. She could sense its hesitation--on one hand, she had already been classified as a friend and neutral ally, but to enter the inner base was a bit too far. As little as the computer cared, it still had programming.

"What's the holdup?"

“I’m not sure if I can.” it finally admitted.

_Remain calm._ Gaz looked up and smiled sweetly. “If you don’t bring me to Zim right now,” she said, “I am going to _rip open your wiring_ and _do it myself_.”

The elevator shifted and began to move.

“That’s what I thought.” Gaz leaned against the wall.

“You’re a scary human.” the computer muttered.

The doors slid open to reveal Zim, already pointing some kind of ray gun at her. “Get out.” he spat, wasting no time on niceties.

Gaz didn’t bother to put her hands up. “You’re going to shoot a friend?” she said, voice sweet as poison, as she took a step forward.

“I have already established that we are not _friends_ ,” Zim snapped, but she saw how his hand shook for a second. “You have not fulfilled your end of the deal.”

“What deal? That deal was a joke and we both knew it.” Gaz advanced. “And _I_ already established that _you lied to me._ We’ll go over that after I figure out how to rescue Dib. The only reason you aren't dead yet is the fact that you've got something helpful to me."

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"You said you recorded the conversation at the cafe." Gaz held out a hand and smiled widely. "That was smart. Keep that smart streak going and give it to me, _now_.”

“You can't be serious." Zim lowered his gun a bit so he could have a nice laugh. "You? _You_ really want to try to rescue him??"

Gaz's smiling face looked like stone. Her eyes glittered dangerously. "What if I do?"

Zim raised his gun again. "Sorry, there is no _way_ I’m letting you do that."

“I thought you were worried he’d give away Irken secrets. Wasn’t that why you followed him in the first place?”

“The situation is different now that he’s been taken by them.” he chuckled. “Now that the Dib-stink knows they’ve double-crossed him, he’ll try to hold back any information he can. When they learn they aren’t going to get anything out of him, they’ll just kill him. They’re _all_ idiots! There’s nothing for me to worry about!”

Gaz’s hands were shaking. The smile had dropped off her face and shattered on the ground before she realized what had happened. There was no disguise to her voice when she muttered “I _told_ you I wanted to keep Dib alive. That is the _one_ thing I asked from you.”

“And that is precisely the one thing I cannot give.” Zim lowered his gun and gave a victorious smirk. “My mission is more important than anything else--OOF!”

Gaz punched him, solidly, right in the gut. The gun went off, shooting a beam of white hot energy into the floor and creating a jagged scorch mark, but she wasn’t distracted. Zim’s arms flailed as she took hold of his shirt and lifted him up.

When he met her eyes, he went limp.  
  


 **“I wasn’t kidding.”** Gaz snarled. “If you don’t help me rescue my brother from whoever just abducted him, I’m going to throw you into a nightmare world from which there is no waking. I am going to make you beg for my mercy before I destroy everything you ever cared about. I am going to rip out your guts and decorate the school with them so everyone will see what a _freak_ you are. When I’m finished with you, you’re going to _wish_ that the government caught you when you first landed. You’re going to _wish_ your stupid leaders had just sent you back to your little _fast food joint_ . You are a **pathetic little cockroach** and I'm itching to _squish_ you under my boot right now, but I'm going to give you a chance. Where do you keep your little ship, and how do you track down and contact the other ships in the area?"

Zim's mouth was clamped very tightly shut and his eyes were wider than she'd ever seen them. Gaz had never, _ever_ gone into total dooming mode on him before, even that time they'd had a fight. No wonder his eyes were glazed over and his bizarre pupils were trained so intensely on hers.

She gave him a good shake to snap him out of his stupor.

"Did you HEAR ME?"

"Yes!” he squeaked.

“Are you planning on answering me today?”

“I. Zim cannot do that.”

Deliberately, she lifted him up until he was eye level with her. “Why not.”

“You can’t rescue him!!”

“The hell I can’t.” It was a miracle she could still speak, given how angry she was. “Give me one reason besides your own selfish little motives--”

“They’ll kill you!”

“Who gives a shit?”

“ME!! I give a shit!!! The Dib can die in space for all I care but you cannot go after him and risk your own life!! You are a friend of ZIMMM!!!”

Gaz’s mouth fell open. For a few seconds, she couldn’t speak.

“You. . . You’re a liar.”

“Believe what you want to believe, but you are not going after the Dib-stink!! You are staying on Earth where we-- where you belong!!”

She nodded. Bit her lip. Then, the girl tightened her grip, and heaved the alien against the wall.

A splatter of pink blood decorated the wall next to where Zim’s head rested against it. He was out cold; she hadn’t even needed to break a sweat.

Gaz stepped over his body, barely sparing him a glance as she headed for the bay where he kept the voot cruiser.

"Computer, upload audio files from the cafe today onto the ship."

"Yes, ma'am."

Zim’s technology could track the junk ship before. No reason to believe it couldn’t do it again.  
  


* * *

The pirate’s small transportation ship had made it back to the mothership safely. Tak led the way as her two assistants carried the unconscious human. The halls were nearly empty--the ship was large enough to hold five times the amount of junk pirates they actually had.

Snickering, she flicked on her human disguise again. The pink hair was a bit much, but then again, it had been enough to fool Dib.

“Can you believe he fell for this?” she snorted. “It looks like I have that earth-cotton candy on my head.”

The aliens barely responded--one grunted in reply.

“Of course, I knew he would fall for it. I tricked this one before, after all. Far too easily.”

“I still don’t know why you think he’ll be useful,” one of them muttered as he pulled open the heavy door to the jail cell area.

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” She smirked and folded her arms self-assuredly. “I have a plan. We’ve got to use the memory-reading tech. That’s up and running by now, isn’t it?”

The slightly larger alien heaved Dib’s limp body into one of the cells and slammed it shut. The other turned his attention towards Tak. “No, I don’t think we’ve managed to repair the damage we did while stealing it yet.”

“What? It’s been weeks! Why is everyone here totally incompetent except for me??”

Her partners glanced at one another, then to her.

“What’s he even got that we want? I mean, I thought he might be one of the human leaders from the images you showed us--”

“No, big heads don’t mean more brainpower. Although I was confused as well at first!” Tak shook her head. “But his sister is nearly as smart as he is, and her head is very normal.”

“Sister?” One of the aliens straightened up. “You mean, he has people who might want to rescue him?”

Tak burst out into peals of laughter. “His sister? Don’t make me laugh! She doesn’t care about him--and even if she did, she couldn’t be bothered to do anything.”

They exchanged nervous looks again. “If you say so….”

“I do say so. No, we have nothing to worry about concerning Gaz Membrane.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should be fun.


	5. Don't Leave Your Back Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tak interrogates Dib. Gaz makes her debut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FGGFHJKHGFDJK SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AHAHAHAHAHA. it's been a bad few months tbh. but i probably don't have to explain the specifics-- it's just the usual school confusion w/ coronavirus, depression hittin again, all that good sweet personal stuff. point is i'm back and i am reinvigorated with the motivation to finish this story. thank you for still being here/reading this and i really hope you enjoy the show!! please leave a comment also-- i havent had time or energy to respond to the ones in the last chapter i think, but i read them all and they mean the world to me!!! love you guys and thank you again for sticking with this messy ass plot. hope your week is going well!! :)

**IMPORTANT TO READ FIRST: Trigger warning for this chapter specifically!!!**

**-very minor, blink-and-you'll-miss-it implication of self-harm**

**\- violence/fighting (nothing too violent but worse than i usually write anyway fghjkfgd)**

**\- needles/non consensual injections**

**If neither of these apply to you or upset you, please enjoy the chapter!!**

A bucket of ice water to Dib’s head jolted him abruptly into the waking world. He gasped for breath, trying to reach up and wipe off his face but finding his hands tightly bound behind him.

“Nice to see you awake,” a familiar voice snickered.

“Tak,” he spat, raising his eyes to her. She smirked triumphantly.

“It really is nice to see you,” she said, pulling up a chair beside him. “We’ve been apart for so very long, I want to catch up with an old friend.”

Dib scowled as his hair dripped in his face. It was _cold._ “Friends don’t tie each other up.” 

“This is a . . . special case.” Tak leaned down, folding her hands under her chin. “I would prefer for this negotiation to go painlessly. It brings me no joy to see you writhing in agony.”

“Not sure I believe that, considering you’re an Irken and you all seem to get off on pain and destruction.” He wriggled his wrists. The restraints were uncomfortably tight. He wished he’d been awake when they were tying them, as the angle and tightness were chafing at his skin.

Tak’s eyes widened for a moment before she threw her head back and laughed. Dib used the opportunity to glance around the room, searching for an escape route. He was restrained to a chair with arms, which seemed to be bolted to the floor. The only exit to the dimly-lit dungeon seemed to be the hatch behind his captor, which was steel and seemed to be bolted shut at the moment. There was a keypad on the wall beside the doorframe, but Tak had finished indulging her amusement and Dib’s eyes went back to her face.

“Oh, Dib. I forgot how not-boring you were,” she chuckled. “Are all of the other humans still completely idiotic like I remember?”

He rolled his eyes. “Stop playing with me. What do you _want_ from me, Tak?”

“All business, I see. Good!” Tak clapped her hands together. “Unfortunately, the information we want from you isn’t easy to convey through words. See, what we need are Irken battle plans and inside information.”

"But _you're_ Irken." Dib pointed out.

"Astute observation." Tak replied dryly. "No, to make a long, rather unpleasant story short, I no longer have any access to Irken databases or technology outside what I build myself."

"What? Why not?"

"That's not something you need to worry about." Her eyes were colder than normal, if that was possible. Dib shivered. "What _you_ need to worry about is how useful you can be to us."

"You want inside information, right?" Dib grasped at straws. "I don't have any of that! I'm just a human, you know that. If you want someone who has access to that stuff, Zim is right there! And I was already totally willing to help you overthrow Irk--"

Tak giggled. "You still think we're trying to overthrow IRK? The most powerful society in the UNIVERSE?"

Dib's face fell, but he quickly composed himself. "You said you've been cut off from Irk. You don't want _revenge_?"

"Please, revenge is beneath me." Tak began meandering around the human boy, who strained his neck trying to follow her with his line of vision. "Yes, _Dib,_ I've had my epiphany. The Tallest are the problem--yes, they're stupid and weak, and no longer deserve the power they hold with their grubby, fat fingers."

"But you don't want to overthrow them??" She was out of sight behind Dib's head, and he turned this way and that, jerking around trying to see her expression.

Suddenly, she slammed her hands down on either side of his head. Dib forced himself to focus as she was suddenly so close he could feel her breath on his face. 

“Listen carefully, Dib.” Tak spat. “The Irken armada is the most powerful military in the entire galaxy. Why would we want to destroy something so universal and so powerful?”

He swallowed, trying to ignore her proximity. “You want to overthrow the Tallest. . . Because. . . they’re evil?”

“No, Dib.” Tak smiled widely, eyes glittering.. “I’m going to overthrow them to take that power for _myself_.”

  
  


* * *

The ship rumbled underneath her, as if it disagreed with her presence, but Gaz couldn’t give less of a shit. It was almost boring, not touching the sticks or buttons on the dashboard in front of her, but the ship had locked onto its destination and was hurtling towards it regardless of her lack of involvement. 

As she sat, seat rumbling, Gaz clenched and unclenched her fists, staring down at them. The events of only a few minutes prior replayed in her head, very much without her consent.

She’d thrown him against the wall, and now that her rage was being directed towards the aggressors she’d be fighting as soon as she arrived, she couldn’t help but remember the look on Zim’s face right before she’d pulverised him.

_“You are staying on Earth where we-- where_ you _belong!!”_

It wasn’t the first slip he’d made recently. Zim was terrible with Freudian slips, Gaz had noticed very early into their acquaintanceship, and he was just as likely to say exactly what he was thinking as he was to scream the opposite. When both those options crashed into each other, hilarity ensued, and Gaz could remember several times he’d been left blushing and ranting furiously as she snickered at his accidental kindness or affection. 

We.

Gaz dragged her nails across her palms and arms, leaving red marks. She already knew Zim thought of Earth as his home, even if he wouldn’t admit it. But his use of the word “we” meant more than just that. _Their_ home. She’d thrown him against the wall. His pak would be able to heal his injuries quickly enough, but it couldn’t heal his opinion of her.

It wasn’t like she cared. He’d _betrayed_ her. Protecting Dib was the one thing she’d wanted, and he disregarded it completely because of his own selfishness. She couldn’t just forgive that. He deserved what he’d gotten, especially after not helping her.

. . . Did she want his help?

Gaz growled and slammed her fist onto the dashboard. “Are we almost there?”

“Just a few more minutes,” the ship droned, in the Computer’s tone.

She didn’t care enough to ask when Zim had fixed up the cruiser to put him in it. Gaz turned her attention to the contents of the ship, looking around for a weapon. Probably would have been a good idea to take the gun Zim had, but in her defense, she hadn’t been thinking completely clearly when she’d attacked him.

Nevermind, she didn’t need a weapon anyway.

“We’re approaching the mothership,” the Computer informed. Gaz turned towards the window again, and sure enough, a hulking, makeshift looking station was suspended a ways away.

“Don’t call it that. Sounds stupid.” Gaz yanked her jacket on, not bothering to zip it up. “How do I get inside.”

“Other ships enter the hangar through those doors over there.” The glass lit up with a hologram, pointing out to her the entry doors. 

“Great, so how do I get in?”

“You can’t.” The hologram vanished. “It looks like there’s some kind of signal we have to emit to let them know to open the doors, and it most likely requires a code of some kind, which we don’t have”

“We can just go and demand they let us in.”

“I don’t think that’ll go over well, and my programming doesn’t allow me to commit suicidally stupid acts.”

Gaz wasn’t sure where to glare, so she directed her annoyance somewhere near the speaker from which the Computer’s voice emitted. It sighed.

“We can’t get them to open the doors. You have to find another way in,” it said, but Gaz was eyeing the entry point carefully.

“Looks like those are pretty thin.”

“. . . Please don’t tell me you’re about to do what I think you’re about to do.”

“Turn on manual piloting,” Gaz commanded as she took hold of the controls. “And hold on tight.”

“But there’s nothing for me to-- oh, no.”

Lining up the voot cruiser with the doors, Gaz stuck her tongue out, calculating. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, summoning up all the anger that had simmered down during her struggling thought process on the journey there, and focused on bringing it back up to a boil. What was the last thing he’d said to her?

_“I’m not sacrificing what I love so I can get along with you. Goodnight, Gaz. Hope you feel better in the morning.”_

Idiot.

Without warning, Gaz shoved the controls forward and down ferociously, sending the tiny ship off-balance and hurtling forwards.

Even while bracing herself against the back of the chair, Gaz fell backwards and had to reorient herself after being thrown by the strength of the collision. There was a sizable dent in the bay doors, though, so she pulled the controls back again and thrusted them forwards again, taking a deep, shaking breath.

It took three head-on crashes to smash through the metal doors completely. Carried by inertia, the voot cruiser smashed into the concrete floor of the bay room, skidding and crashing into a whole other, smaller ship and sending it careening backwards. Barely jittered, Gaz leapt to her feet and pressed the button to release the glass-plastic dome covering on the ship, hopping out of the cockpit as soon as it released.

“Freeze!” a voice shouted from the other side of the room, but Gaz didn’t bother to slow down, boots hitting the ground hard and fast as she sprinted towards the doorway. A beetle-looking alien took a step forward, raising his gun in panic, but Gaz was too fast, kicking it out of his arms and landing a fist on his cheek, sending him stumbling backwards. She kicked him in the chest, completing his fall, and stomped on his face for good measure, sending a spurt of blue translucent blood from the nose-like cracks in his face.

“Hey!” another one shouted from down the hall. Gaz reoriented herself, shaking her wrist off a bit--she’d have to throw better punches than that, considering the sheer number of asses she was going to have to kick today.

A shot. She twitched out of the way just in the nick of time, but one of the aliens down the hall was aiming again--the other, a bull-looking one about twice her height, advancing. Gaz rolled her neck, cracking it, and took off at a sprint down the hallway.

The bull-looking one, which clearly hadn’t been expecting her to make such a move, straightened up for just a second--just long enough for Gaz to leap up and get an arm around its neck. Her elbow cracked his nose and her legs found the wall, ferociously shoving against it to send him off balance.

As he toppled, Gaz made a flying leap off his back into the one with the gun, kicking her in the teeth. It was much more fun brutalizing these things than it had been throwing her former friend against the wall, so very rewarding to see their colors ooze out onto the filthy concrete-plastic ship.

Gaz stepped through the doorway the gunslinger had been protecting and walked right into a crowded room, full of heavily armed aliens of varying shapes and sizes. Their sole unifying factor seemed to be the willingness in their gaze to eat the girl who’d unexpectedly appeared in their midst alive.

Gaz smiled.

“Come get some,” she called, bending down and raising her clenched fists. “There’s plenty to go around.”

  
  


It was exhausting, fighting to many opponents at once, but Gaz could feel herself lighting up. The challenge was real--she’d never felt in so much actual, genuine danger before. The pathetic bullies at school and even the most dangerous looking of grown men and women in her city hadn’t begun to threaten her in such a real way. As she punched and kicked and dodged, Gaz couldn’t help but feel like she’d finally found someplace . . . maybe. . . worthy of her.

But the final goon collapsed on the ground, and Gaz stretched.

“Kind of a letdown, honestly,” she yawned. “Oh, and I know you’re conscious, so trying to escape is pointless.”

The smallest, a frail, pale yellow alien who had been attempting to slyly crawl towards the exit, hastily scrambled against the back of the wall, chest heaving.

“I--I swear I’ll tell you anything you want to know--”

“Where’s Dib. My brother.”

“Your-- brother? You mean, another one of you? I don’t think we’ve brought anyone new on recently--”

Gaz flicked open her pocketknife. “What was that?”

“AAAH-- I mean-- that’s not-- I wouldn’t know anything about Tak’s prisoners--”

“Where is he.” She took a step towards him, stomping down near his shrimpy, thin-looking leg.

“The--fourth block! Down the hall, can’t miss it, please don’t hurt me I’m just a pilot I swear I don’t know anything else--”

A sharp jab to the back of the neck and Gaz felt her vision grow spotty almost immediately. She slapped a hand to her wound-- no blood. Very clean injection, especially given the situation. Gaz would be impressed if she wasn’t so completely filled with overwhelming fury. She turned, slowly. The pilot fled from the room, presumably to set off some kind of alarm, but the attention in the room was undivided between the two girls.

_“You.”_

The now-visible SIR unit, which was retracting the needle used to inject her right then, hopped back into the shadows. Anger was helpful to push you into action, but sometimes it blinded you to things that were right behind you.

“Dib-sister.” Tak folded her arms and glared, not a hint of amusement in her face. “It just figures _someone_ would come to gum things up. I didn’t think it would be _you_ , though.”

“For the love of-- I have a name.” Gaz managed, taking a sloppy, uncertain step towards her. “Bitch,” she added, as an afterthought.

“Goodnight, human,” the Irken smiled, as the remainder of Gaz’s energy drained out of her completely. The last coherent thought running through her head was, fittingly, full of anger, but for once directed at. . . herself.

  
  


_Should have watched my back more carefully._


	6. Don't Steal the Property Of Zim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Gaz captured and Dib restrained, the Membrane siblings are officially alone. Worse yet, no one even knows where they are.
> 
> Well, nearly no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GHGDFHKLJKLDHFHGF IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS I'M SORRY. I could have sworn it was only a few weeks since my last update but anyway here, sorry guys uhh next one will DEFINITELY be sooner since i've been excited to write it since the beginning :DDDDD

**Trigger warnings: fight scenes. Blood. Restraints.**

Ambushes weren’t really Tak’s style.

Even  _ less  _ her style was allowing Mimi to do her dirty work for her. Tak liked handling things herself, feeling that  _ power  _ and flexing her strength over her opponent. But that strategy was self-indulgent. It allowed for mistakes.

Gazlene Membrane, Dib’s startlingly dangerous and wildly unpredictable younger sister, was not one you wanted to risk making a mistake with. As disappointing as it was to Tak, she nonetheless valued her victory enough to recognize that sometimes, exceptions had to be made.

Unlike with Dib (and with him it had been slim regardless) Tak held  _ no _ semblance of nostalgic fondness for Gaz. Quite the opposite, in fact. While most of the details leading up to her defeat were still unclear, Tak had spent plenty of time mulling over what happened. All she knew was that Zim couldn’t  _ possibly _ have come up with his plan to defeat her alone, especially given how literally  _ everything _ was going wrong for her-- that level of sabotage was way more complicated and successful than anything he had ever thought of with his puny brain,  _ ever _ .

That went for Dib, too. At first she had latched onto the boy as her scapegoat, but the more she thought about it, the more Tak was certain he, also, hadn’t been primarily responsible. While he may have been involved in trying to defeat her, she was nearly certain he wouldn’t have been able to come up with everything by himself either.

No.  _ Gaz  _ was the one whose fault it really was. Gaz was the one who stood behind the scenes, malfunctioned Mimi, and sprayed them both with that disgusting earth-beverage. Worst, she hadn’t been the slightest bit cowed by Tak’s frightening reveal. Tak wouldn't have let that bother her except for the fact that it was so different from the reaction she’d been expecting. She pretended not to notice Gaz doing anything at all, focusing her attention on the much more predictable, somewhat incensed Dib, but her lack of outward concern at Tak's villainy was, well, worrying. And for good reason. 

The first time, she would have done better to pay closer attention to Gaz and less to the boys. . . Which is why this time, she wouldn't be making that mistake again.

Gaz moaned softly as Tak dragged her by her leg down the hallway. Her head lolled and her arms trailed uselessly behind her. The alien grinned lightly, basking in her victory. Even the sight of Gaz's hand flexing slightly wasn't enough to worry her.

Which is why when, despite all her efforts to prevent it, Tak was genuinely caught off-guard as Gaz managed to swing her arm around, snagging the Irken's ankle in her grip and bringing her crashing to the floor.

"Why, you little--"

Gaz shoved herself up desperately by her elbows, dragging herself forward to snag Tak's cape. She yanked at it as hard as she could, but Tak managed to scoot up and regain her bearings well enough to land a rough kick to the middle of Gaz's face.

To her credit, the human merely gritted her teeth as blood spurted from her nose, tugging firmly at the cape so Tak went down again--

"You really think you have a chance??" the Irken taunted, taking her cape back in one  _ jerk _ . Gaz lost her balance once again and her forehead slammed into the ground.

Leering down, Tak took a bundle of Gaz's purple hair in her claws, tugging her head upwards. Gaz's chin went up and her face was fierce, but her eyes were foggy.

"Dib,” she managed. “I’m going. To find.  **_Dib.”_ **

The blood now flowing down the human's face freely was unpleasant and rather unsanitary. Tak wrinkled her not-nose and sneered.

"You stupid, pitiful little-- I  _ was  _ bringing you to his cell so I could keep an eye on both of you at once, but you decided to make things hard again. Congratulations! How does it feel to be making decisions as stupid as ZIM?"

Gaz's face melted from cold fury to plain, unmasked exhaustion.

". . .Pretty bad," she admitted.

Tak’s face broke into a nasty grin, but before she could even open her mouth to bark out the evil laugh she fully intended to give, Gaz sniffed deeply, swished something around in her mouth, and spewed a stream of crimson spit into her face.

Tak dragged a gloved hand across her face, wiping the vile stuff away. Her other hand tightened her grip on Gaz's hair, yanking her head up even further. The human refused to flinch even under Tak's unwaveringly hate-filled look.

"Enjoy the disrespect while you can," she spat. "It's not a luxury you'll be able to experience much longer."

She stood up again fully, pulling Gaz completely by her hair this time. Still, the girl remained silent, even while weakly struggling against the motion. All her energy went into the frantic motion of her legs, desperately trying to get some other support than the alien’s grip. Even as Tak unlocked and threw open the nearest door, Gaz could barely pay attention. Her vision was still swimming from whatever Tak had poisoned her with, and that combined with the multiple head injuries wasn’t doing the best for her focusing skills.

"It's such a pity you had to act like this," Tak mused as she threw Gaz into the prison hold. "We're very alike, you and I. In another world, we might have become friends." 

She slammed the door shut.

Gaz raised her head to shoot a look of hatred at the Irken's face. Her eyes were still visible through the door's bar-covered window, and crinkled around the edges with unconcealed mirth.

"Just kidding."

  
  
  


* * *

Dib wasn't stupid.

Well, maybe he WAS stupid-- being caught on this ship was kind of a dumb move, he was big enough to admit that much. Still, someone constantly thinking about potentially being caught and captured was bound to be prepared for this kind of a situation. 

He'd be a little insulted if he wasn't so appreciative of Tak for underestimating his escaping abilities. Making his job easier.

Dib had a few tricks up his sleeve that he'd had to wait to use until he was sure he wasn't under any sort of surveillance-- luckily, it had only taken an hour or so of experimenting to be certain that there were  _ probably _ no cameras trained on him. Sadly, he had to admit to himself that he probably wasn't all that important. Which was helpful and good, obviously! But still. . .

The miniature multi-tool Dib kept in his wristwatch wasn't hard to get in his grip, but took quite a while to pop out the particular tool he wanted. Still, he considered it a win to have sustained so few minor injuries while doing so, and while hacking apart the rope binding his wrists with a tiny blade was frustrating and time consuming, the relief that swept over Dib as he felt the coarse thing fall away from his skin.

With one final yank, Dib freed both his hands and held them out in front of him. His wrists dripped with blood from the accidental cuts from his tool and from the gashes he’d put in his wrists from the rope itself, but the high of the escape kept the pain at bay.

"I'll never take you guys for granted again," he said reverently to his hands. "You're  _ champs _ . Now let's do my legs so I can get out of here."

Suddenly, as if responding to his words, there was a loud BOOM and the floor shook beneath his feet. The entire ship felt like it had been thrown out of whatever stable orbit it was in, and the violent turbulence that began shaking the room almost made him drop the multi-tool. Had he not been tied to the chair which was cemented to the floor by its legs, he would have fallen to the ground.

“What the heck was that??” Dib demanded aloud as the shaking subsided.

As if in response to his question, the door abruptly shifted. The frigid, silent air of the prison hold was cut through when a deafening  _ clang  _ rang out, sending his stomach plunging below his feet. Desperately, Dib tore through the rope on his ankles, kicking his feet to make them taut as he dragged the knife tool against it raggedly.

The door slid upwards with a  _ hiss  _ and a  _ click  _ and the two big aliens who'd been with Tak before loped in, stopping short upon seeing the prisoner partially untangled. To their credit, they only hesitated a moment in surprise before bounding towards him, unclipping their weapons from their belts.

Dib kicked through the rope, managing to free his legs a split second before they were upon him. The momentum of his built-up strain carried his legs up and he caught the first attacker square in the chest with both feet. The brute barely stumbled backwards, but that was all Dib needed to slip between the gap and be out of the room like a shot.

He ran, faster than he'd ever run before, down the hallway. Dib had no idea where he was going- the halls were labeled with signs he couldn't read, but he still ran as fast as he could, sneakers hitting the floor with dull, heavy  _ thuds  _ he was sure the whole ship could hear, along with his ragged breaths and booming heartbeat.

Dib vaguely wondered, as he rounded a corner, why he hadn’t run into anyone yet, directly before everything began happening at once.

A loud thundering came from behind, the sound of a hundred feet hitting the ground in a storm of noise and rage, and Dib threw himself against the side of the wall, wishing he could become invisible. This was it, there would be no mercy this time--

But to his shock, the crowd of panicked aliens rushed by him, seemingly uncaring of the escaped prisoner. They seemed to be fleeing from something--from what, though, Dib had no idea. As the ship convulsed into violent shaking and rocking once more, though, he decided the best course of action would be to follow suit and do his best to blend in with the group. 

The crowd rushed into a huge hangar, crowded with ships of various shapes and sizes. Dib didn’t have time to look for long before he was knocked to the ground.

The next crash was so violent, it made Dib lose his balance halfway up and smash his face against the ground. But this time, the shaking didn’t stop. The other aliens were running for cover or slamming the doors to their ships closed, but the screeching sound, like metal grating on metal, didn’t stop.

He raised his face up to see the huge bay doors dent. Something was pressing against them, and they weren’t holding too well. . .

The visible pressure against the doors stopped, along with the sound. Dib breathed a sigh of relief, stumbling to his feet and tripping his way over to the wall, when one final crash, a ship came hurtling in, smashing onto the ground.

The tiny ship Dib had grown to be familiar with his whole childhood.

It still didn't register. The whole situation was too wild and alien. All Dib could think was-- what was something so small doing bashing through two giant metal doors?? The pilot had to be insane!

The ship started to slide open and a small figure came bounding out, quickly as you could think.

Only as the tiny robot went barreling into Dib's arms did he realize what this really meant. 

" _ GIR _ ????"

"HEY, BUDDY!" he shrieked. "We on a  _ mission _ !! Wanna coooome?"

"Where's your master?" Dib demanded immediately.

GIR stuck his tongue out. "Maybeeee. . . Over here! No, over there! No--"

The voot cruiser flickered to life instantaneously, lasers shooting out rapid-fire. The few aliens still left outside ducked and ran desperately, some being fried or thrown against the wall. With everyone in the room running for cover, the ship's top fully opened up in a swirl of mist.

"GIR!!!" Zim yelled from the cockpit.

"THERE he is!!" GIR giggled maniacally. "Let's go give 'im a surPRISE!"

Dib turned slowly, horrified, not wanting to believe what his brain was telling him. If he was captured and brought here. . . And Zim was breaking in . . . It couldn't be.

"ZIM? Are you here to r-- to--"

While Dib struggled with the words, Zim's lip curled. The alien didn't look the least bit surprised to see him. Rather, his face was contorted in knowing disdain at what he saw.

"Escaping? ALONE? Well, isn't that just like you, DIB-FILTH."

"Of COURSE I'm escaping!!" Dib was near frantic. "And what do you mean, ALONE???"

There was a pause. Zim's eyes widened. "Huh. You don't even know."

"Know WHAT?"

"NOTHING!! You can get in the voot cruiser if you WANT, wait around like the worm-baby that you are. But I'm not coming back without G-- g--getting revenge on TAK!!! YEAH!!! How DARE she attempt to steal MY rival???"

GIR giggled in Dib's arms as he instinctively squeezed the robot tighter. "Are you KIDDING me, Zim?? That's-- you're such an idiot!! We have to go!"

The alien didn't bother replying. He stomped over to where Dib still held GIR, snatching him back with a pointed glare. The other aliens around leered from behind different ships and debris from the crash-- Dib was at least appreciative he didn't have to worry about them attacking him right now. They seemed to be looking at Zim with some flicker of fear in their eyes. What they could possibly be afraid of, Dib wasn't sure, but he did notice the alien had a slightly manic look in his eyes.

"Wait in the voot then, _filth_. Zim WILL dispose of you later, at a better, more convenient time for both of us."

With that, he dropped GIR on the ground unceremoniously and stormed off down the hallways, not a weapon to be seen on his person.

After seeing him disappear around a corner, Dib  _ sprinted _ for the voot, hopping inside.

"Let's see. . . Controls, controls--"

"No use," the computer droned. Dib jumped away from the buttons on surprise.

"Since when are _you_ _here_?"

"Since Zim decided he wanted this ship to be remotely controllable and recallable. But that doesn't matter. You aren't going anywhere with this without some administrator allowance to use it."

Dib's mouth dropped open in sheer disbelief. 

"Zim set up PARENTAL CONTROLS?????"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> questions? concerns? 8)))) send me messages/asks at vampirepiggyhunterdefensequad.tumblr.com! i love any opportunity to ramble about characterization and stuff. also if you like zagr join our zagr discord! it's a lovely place full of the chillest people ever. send me a message over tumblr for the link (to prevent antis/trolls/spammers), and hope to see you there! :)
> 
> EDIT: can't BELIEVE I forgot to mention this but my amazing friend Gloved beta read this chapter for me and helped me out SO much with it!!! He has his own Invader Zim/Steven Universe crossover fic ongoing right now called "Operation Universe", check it out!

**Author's Note:**

> like i said, rough start. wasn't sure how to begin this one, so i jumped right into the action. Forgive my lack of imagination here. the pacing is shit but maybe I'll fix it later? gfdlkfgsk let's hope so.


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